AP Living continued: Got Milk? February 11, 2009

Part two: breastfeeding

First of all, it’s a big step for me to blog about breastfeeding because I am rather modest. In American society, breasts are so highly sexualized that breastfeeding in public is seen as something shameful. Sadly, many people believe breastfeeding is something animalistic or something that only poor people do. In other countries breastfeeding is so commonplace and natural strangers will scold you if your baby fusses and you do not offer your breast to comfort because that’s why you have breasts-for babies! Most countries wean from breastfeeding closer to three years of age rather than the one year of age considered ‘normal’ in the United States.  I didn’t know any of this when I started, I just went off what the books said.

With Todd, my first, I had a rough start but once we figured out latching on I was good to go. Problem was with my reading I believed the goal in raising babies was to get them independent as soon as possible. I read Babywise and believed that by using my breasts to do anything but feed my baby I was being suckered by his manipulative and selfish nature, and he would be spoiled. So I breastfed Todd, but only after trying every other option when he fussed to make sure he was hungry and only hungry. If there was any other way to calm his fussing I tried that first. I didn’t really cuddle Todd that much, he wasn’t really a cuddly baby.  He loved routine so fell into the wake up, eat, play, sleep pattern like clockwork. When I found out I was pregnant with Peter, Todd was 9 months old. I started having contractions when I nursed Todd, so a nurse told me I could harm the baby inside and I needed to stop breastfeeding. So we weaned Todd to formula. It was a pretty easy deal.

With Peter, it was easier at first to get latched on and started, but Peter was just noisier than Todd! He was very particular about how he wanted to be held and when he wanted to eat and he wouldn’t follow any routine or schedule! I gave up trying and just fed him when he wanted to be fed and let him sleep when he wanted to. Peter was a cuddly baby and I really snuggled with Peter when I fed him. He wanted to eat a lot more often than Todd, several times a night even around a year old! Kyle and I were confused, Todd had slept through the night at two months old with no problems. We tried crying it out with Peter but it was miserable on everyone’s part. We finally concluded he just needed mommy more and eventually he slept through the night. With Peter we learned that you shouldn’t expect one baby to do exactly as another, one baby’s normal may be completely different than another’s. When Peter was seven months old I got pregnant again, and on a different nurse’s advice, weaned Peter to formula. Peter took it rough.

While pregnant with Vivienne, I became very active on parenting forums and began to learn about attachment parenting. I met mothers who nursed their two year olds, mothers who had nursed through pregnancy and nursed both their toddlers and their newborns, and I began looking into breastfeeding more.  I found out that I could have breastfed through my pregnancies, and many had done so, with no harm to either child. When I gave birth to Vivienne I had a different mindset about breastfeeding, it was one of giving and bonding with my child. I sought to meet her needs and trusted her as the baby to tell me when she was hungry, and when she wanted to nurse for comfort, I let her. I nursed her whenever she wanted to.  I held her all the time. It wasn’t long before I noticed I had the happiest baby I’d ever met. She was cooey and smilie and confident that her needs were met promptly. Far from being manipulative and selfish, Vivienne was calm and friendly. Part of that was Vivienne’s naturally upbeat personality, but part of that was her confidence in her mama, that mama was always there and would take care of any need that arose. And Vivienne has that adorable chubbiness that babies have. Todd and Peter were never chubby, but Vivienne has a rolly squishiness that is just yummy.

Vivienne has been our experiment in attachment parenting. We have sought to meet her needs and know her closely to know how she expresses them. I aim to have a close relationship (and not just with her, with the boys as well) to build her confidence in life. It is a picture of the God who is there for us. He doesn’t wish us to be independent of Him, He wishes to meet our needs. Vivienne, Peter, and Todd are too young to depend on God, so they have parents entrusted with the scary responsibility of being caretakers. We aim not to get rid of them when they hit 18, but rather we aim to help them become responsible, sensitive, loving adults who make choices to love God. It is natural they wish to no longer depend on their parents one day. We hope at that point, they will be trusting God and following Him. In that aim, we strive to be connected, meeting their needs, answering their questions, and loving them unconditionally, setting appropriate boundaries, and staying sane while doing so. So far, we have found it’s a lot harder than it sounds and we have a lot to learn about love. But we’ll keep trying anyway.

So about breastfeeding: it’s become more than just feeding the baby. The focus is on a special connection with a chid, a nurturing, a meeting of their needs in a special intimate way. One of the best things about breastfeeding is that milk is always instant, just a lift of the shirt, apply baby and voila! instant feeding. My other favorite thing is that not only is baby being fed,  baby is being cuddled, held close, and given eye contact and breathes in the wonderful smell of mother. Much of that can be accomplished with formula feeding, but it’s a necessity with breastfeeding. Breastfeeding encourages snuggling and physical comforting. That’s why it’s a great aspect of attachment parenting.